Playing With The Boys

I'm having a tough time not taking the obvious jab. Kenny Loggins is obviously trying to be masculine when he sings but like every other song of his this one just isn't very butch. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Life Is A Highway

The first time I heard this song it wasn't that bad. The 20th time I heard this song it wasn't as good. The 100th time I heard this song it was crap. Life is a highway. Hopefully it doesn't end in a fiery wreck.

Dancing in the Street

From what I understand this was difficult to watch when it first came out and hasn't gotten any easier. If you want a really strange experience hit the mute button and just watch them both dance around like your uncle after one too many beers.

Barely Breathing

I'm pretty sure this is what every douche bag puts on while they're trying to nail a stupid girl.

St. Anger

Instant badassery for a musician = playing at San Quentin. That used to be the case anyway. Metallica traded in their metal hair for vaginas.

Yummy Yummy Yummy

If Aimee Mann didn't know how to write a song it would sound a little like this.

Baby, I Love Your Way

I don't know if this is the worst Frampton song but it's my least favorite. Do you feel like I do about this? This is the type of song that signals the end of a good time.

Mr. Roboto

Styx isn't really a top 100 band and that's sad considering that Right Said Fred has made it on a few of those lists. They're good enough to recognize when they come on the radio (albeit once a year) but not good enough to turn up. This is a stupid song but I try not to hold it against them because I really like it.

Umbrella

This song was written to populate worst song lists. It's pretty crappy, appy... appy... ey ey ey...

With Arms Wide Open

They like Jesus but not nearly as much as they like money. The sentiment is nice but not very rock n roll. Then again it's been established that a singer doing his best Eddie Vedder impression isn't very rock n roll.

This isn't a song. It's a list. Last I checked it was our ancient ancestors that started a fire so kind of did. Even from a symbolic standpoint the collective public is responsible for at least half of that list. The culmination of all these social events in the eyes of Billy? Coke versus Pepsi.

Love Hangover

Love hangover sounds like a terrible thing. Roger and Susan had such a great date last night that Roger has been puking all morning. Susan slept with her neighbor (hair of the dog...) then had eggs and hash browns to take the edge off.

I'll Be

Love songs tend to be on the cheesy side but you can tell the difference between those written by seasoned songwriters and Edwin McCain. A poorly stated metaphor here or there is forgivable but Edwin decided to make an entire song using them. He's sounds about as sincere as a high school jock trying to get to second base. Yes, that's a saxophone you hear.

Abracadabra

I'm not sure what Steve's broad is wearing but it sounds uncomfortable.

Can't Fight This Feeling

If I could write songs like this... oh wait. I can write songs about this. It's time to bring this ship into the shore.

Dur dur d'être bébé

French Edition! - Americans have some pretty crappy music but when France really piles up le crap. It took 15 weeks for the magic to wear off. It's tough to be a baby especially when you're four years old.

Whatta Man

Her guy is so great that she wants to have his baby. He'll spend time with said baby when he has time but that's not important because he doesn't call her Susan when he's banging her. The only things not mentioned in this song are education, employment and fidelity.

Are You Jimmy Ray?

No, it's John Waters. Not convinced? Who else would get down at the trailer park like that?

You Belong To The City

It's been argued that Glenn Fry was the worst part about The Eagles. I's absolutely true.

Havin' A Roni

I think his intention was to put something on this album he could be really ashamed of in case his ninja turtle rap song didn't work out. He's Vanilla Ice the sailor man.

Sister Christian

Here's another one of those songs that's so hard to love. Every ounce of my soul tells me to sing, "MOTORING!" while every ounce of my brain tells me they phoned this one in.

Step By Step

Here is a song about the steps to get a chick. There are five steps of which none are actual steps. They're actually reasons for the chick to get with one of the new kids. Now that I look at it there are four reasons and a question. "Don't you know that the time is right?" Right for what? Step one? A girl could argue that she can have fun with her uncle but that doesn't mean she wants to date him.

Ready To Go

Burning out after three years of playing this song at theme parks around the world they decided to get back together in 2010. How did they show the world that they still had what it took to rock everybody with their unique sound? By writing and recording a hit song. Unfortunately that hit song was "Ready To Go."

Here Comes The Hotstepper

I wasn't going to do requests but this one is just too bad to ignore. How can he know what Bo don't know when Bo knows everything?

You Spin Me 'Round

So they spin you around like a record? That's only about 33rpm? They're really just turning you around. If somebody were to spin you it would be more like a CD. Of course they didn't really have CD's back then so maybe they spin you around like a tape rewinding...

Urgent

This is what happens when the writers of "Cold As Ice' quickly threw together a song. The best parts of this song are the work of Thomas Dolby. SCIENCE!

Jump

At 14 you're anything but a daddy mac or mac daddy. This redundant hip hop song was good enough to get them an encore in a music video where Michael Jackson plays basketball against Michael Jordan. Whatchou talking 'bout Kris Kross?

I Just Called To Say I Love You

Stevie Wonder knows how to write a great song. He must have forgotten how on the day he wrote this.

YMCA

This is more of a commercial but it's still a crap song. This tune has the power to remove all the good dancers from the dance floor while simultaneously replacing them with all the bad ones.

Physical

I'm not sure what to think of this. I know I hate it but I can't put my finger on why. I can't really criticize the video because it's crappy SONG of the day. Perhaps I hate it because it's catchy and it sucks. Perhaps I hate it because I like it. Today's song was going to be Cher's "Turn Back Time" but that I gave it a listen and that song rules.