Zoot Suit Riot

Remember these guys? Yeah, me neither.

The Sign

I heard this song and it opened up my ears to how much Ace Of Base blows. The 90's answer to ABBA? You bet. Yes, I hate ABBA as well.

Yonkers

Hmph

Kryptonite

Creedence could make do with three chords. These guys cannot.

Material Girl

She's definitely the "Material Girl." Unfortunately for her that material is crap.

Angel Of The Morning

How could I pick this song over "Queen Of Hearts?" It was pretty easy. I listened to it, posted it, wiped my hands on my pants, and walked away satisfied.

Christmas Shoes

I was originally going to post "Baby, It's Cold Outside" because who doesn't love a song about date rape. Suddenly I remembered that there's an even more obnoxious Christmas song. I'm really sorry about this one.

'Zat You Santa Claus?

And you thought he couldn't do anything worse than "Hot Hot Hot."

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

There was a time when I thought this song was funny. Then I turned 5.

All I Want For Christmas Is You

All I want for Christmas is for this song to never be played again.

Happy Holidays

Hooptie doo and dickory dock.

Christmas Canon

Yeah, I know it's a second TSO song but I just heard it the other day and wanted to share my discomfort with all of you.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I wonder if they also saw Joe beat the ever loving crap out of Santa.

Jingle Bell Rock

Nothing about this song rocks.

I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas

I hope the kid gets his wish and learns first hand just how dangerous hippos are.

Mary, Did You Know

This song is almost as bad as his recent plastic surgery.

Holly Jolly Christmas

"Kiss her once for me." Yeah Burl, you wish.

Little Drummer Boy

There is no way to do this song without it sucking.

Must Be Santa

Overweight, fake white beard, smells of rum, seasonal job. Must be Santa

Santa Baby

The hardest part was picking which version to post. I decided to go with the Pussycat Sluts since they embody the "Vapid Skankitute" that this song festers with.

Hey Santa

Hey Carnie and the other one. Your song is ruining Christmas. I was going to make a joke suggesting Carnie writing a song about Thanksgiving but that's too mean, even for me.

Christmas Eve/Sarajevo

For people who want to listen to Mannheim Steamroller with the windows down.

Funky, Funky, Christmas

There's nothing good about this song. You can't say the ending because it doesn't show up for five minutes.

Happy Christmas (War is over)

Nothing goes better with Christmas than war. That bomb you hear is Yoko Ono. Merry Christmas, Mr. Lennon.

Deck The Halls

People always come out of the woodwork to defend the Steamroller. Who are these people that grab Mannheim Steamroller while the family decorates the tree? Do they think they're filling people with joy? Is this the only Christmas album they have? So many questions.

Feliz Navidad

Hey look at me! I'm a repetitive Christmas song! Yes, I know he's blind.

Last Christmas

How can he give his heart to somebody special this year? He gave it to somebody else and they already re-gifted it.

Christmas Don't Be Late

My swollen cheeks inspired me. Why do they feel the need to dust these guys off every 20 years? Do washed up artists really need the extra royalties that bad? I hate The Chipmunks.

Do They Know It's Christmas Time

Last I checked there's snow Africa every year. There's nothing I love more than rich people asking people to give money.

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Reeth

All I want for Christmas are my four back teeth.

Oh Come All Ye Faithful

The only thing worse than this Christmas nightmare are the thousands that have purchased a Jingle Cats CD or cassette. Most likely it was a cassette that was given to a very disappointed 17 year old.