Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Stupid Hoe

I like that there's a video for this song to ensure deaf people have something to suffer through as well.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Whip My Hair

I don't consider this music but somebody did otherwise nobody would have heard it. It's regarded as being "kid friendly." I don't think kids should be allowed to hear music like this.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Chinese Democracy

Did anybody buy this album? I know Axel's mom did. I asked her what she thought. "Sucked."

Sunday, February 26, 2012


I used to feel embarrassed for anybody voluntarily listening to this but these days I just feel embarrassed for Kid Rock. Now get in the pit and try to love someone... like your cousin.

Saturday, February 25, 2012


A little birdie told me this song was crappy crappy.

Friday, February 24, 2012

My Way

Of all the things he's going to do this time, writing a good song isn't one of them.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Nite And Day

Al B. Sure! was Justin Bieber before Justin Bieber.


There is an explanation for this song. Prince wrote a bunch of songs for Tim Burton's Batman and they were all pretty good. Then somebody said, "Thanks Prince. Can you do one more song but make it Batman themed?" This request clearly pissed him off so he wrote Batdance.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Brass Monkey

Before you get all butthurt about me trashing a Beastie Boys classic let me reiterate that love the Beastie Boys. If you scraped the bottom the Boys' barrel you'd probably find Brass Monkey residue.

Monday, February 20, 2012

It's Raining Men

I don't get this song. I mean I get it but I don't get it.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Welcome To The Boomtown

These guys are professional musicians or at least they were. Enjoy.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Hold On To The Nights

It's too hard to verbally express how I feel about this song and I don't know how to convey vomiting using our alphabet.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Girl You Know It's True

If you're going to lip-sync at least pic a good song. If this song were released today it would be titled, "Girl U Know It's True." That's right, still no comma.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

She's A Beauty

I don't know why I have a problem with rock bands performing songs for a chick. Maybe it's because it seems to me like the entire band is banging her.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


This is the musical equivalent of cancer.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine Girl

I'm almost positive there were versions of this song for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and probably Hanukkah. Was Donny Jewish?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Friday, February 10, 2012

Mercedes Boy

It should be titled "Mercedes, boy." There are plenty of other problems but that one annoys me the most. If the song was about some "Mercedes Boy" that drove one or turned into one when the moon was full it would be okay but it's not.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

That's How I Beat Shaq

Is this a Sears commercial?

Home Sweet Home

We love rock ballads because they suck. No matter how much my personal tastes want me to hate this song I can't help but love it.

Hakuna Matata

It also means ignoring your obligations and sponging. It's like the pot head's anthem.

Chim Chim Cher-ee

Mary Poppins: good.
Dick Van Dyke: bad.

You'll Be In My Heart

It's a funny thing about collaborations. They're rarely good. Tarzan and Disney was a bad combo to begin with. Adding Phil Collins to the mix just made it worse. I guess Lionel Richie had another obligation.

A Whole New World

Coincidentally, this is what most losers say to get into bed with hot chicks.

Mine, Mine, Mine

It's not a bad Disney song per se but about halfway through Mel Gibson gets his solo.

Zero To Hero

Did anybody see this? I know you did Stacey. I mean everybody else.

Bella Notte

They call it beautiful night.

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss

Spandau Ballet? Really?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Tonight Tonight

This is what the kids are listening to. Everything bad that happens is their fault.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Secret Of My Success

I'm going to venture a guess that this song is not part of that secret.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Friday, January 27, 2012


This isn't a song. It's a ring tone. No wait. That's an insult to people that make ring tones.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

There are plenty of reasons to like this song. Those are the exact same reasons to hate it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What Is Love?

Nobody hears this song and thinks, "Haddaway is amazing." They think of Chris Kattan and Will Farrell. Ponder that for a moment.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Mambo Number 5

This is a great song...
...if you're five years old.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I Want To Be Your Man

I want to like this song but good taste just won't let me. DAMN YOU ROGER!!!

Sunday, January 22, 2012


This song was old the day it was recorded.

Friday, January 20, 2012


Look up in the air. It's a crappy song.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Blow Up

This makes me want to punch myself in the face.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Monday, January 16, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Close To You

I was about to say something clever but I fell asleep.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Genie In A Bottle

Is she a genie or is she a bottle? Last I checked you rubbed the bottle not the genie. Idiot.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Duke of Earl

Crap, crap, crap, crappy song, song, song, crappy song...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Thong Song

I wonder if this song was as hard to record as it is to listen to it. Probably not.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Mony Mony

I still have difficulty believing the guy who wrote "White Wedding" is responsible for this.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sweet Dreams

As much as it pains me to say it, this is a case of all sizzle and no steak.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Black or White

On this day in 1992 a lot of people paid enough money to make this song number 1 on the charts. I hate all of those people.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

It Wasn't Me

I have a soft spot for all of those d-bag anthems. Is it because it's bad-ass to deny something? In what world does saying, "It wasn't me." get you off the hook when you're caught doing something you shouldn't be doing? Does anybody fall for this?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Bait A Hook

He can't bait a hook but I'll bet he has a steady job and has never made eyes at his sister.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I Get Around

I don't think they know what "get around" means. Or maybe they do! I know Mike Love gets around. That's not even his real name. It's actually Mark Schmidt.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight

If this song is about what I think it's about I'm surprised that he's singing about it. It's not as obvious as that Lonely Island song but it might as well be.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Naughty Girls

What does she mean by naughty? Is she suggesting that occasionally sluts want flowers?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Get Busy

"Hi! My name is Sean Paul and I'm talentless."