Drive My Car

There's a reason this is the first song on the album. It's so you can forget about it after Norwegian Wood starts. If I ever meet Paul I'm going to punch him for writing this song. Every great Beatles song is marred by this two chord travesty.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

If she were my wife I'd go have a beer.

Elvira

What makes a person hear a song, like a song, they pay enough money to hear said song for it to be a hit? Is it some unseen force or beer?

Oh Sheila

I used to think this was Prince. Now it all makes sense.

From A Distance

I know a lot of people like Bette Midler. I don't.

Cherry Pie

This song is playing in a strip club right now. That's not a good thing.

Summertime

Rest assured my disliking the summer months has nothing to do with my disliking this song. It's a shame that Nowell is gone and this song survives.

Bye Bye Bye

With lines like "I loved you endlessly" it makes you wonder why they're not making music anymore. Apparently "endless" means something different to them.

The Reflex

Duran Duran always pushed the new wave envelope with their wonky lyrics. The only difference between "The Reflex" and their other songs is that the other songs don't suck.

Blame Game

I always listen to the songs I post with the exception of this song. I don't need to listen to it to know it's crap. My idiot neighbor blasts his stuff all the time.

Blueside

Dozens of people discovered this band thanks to this little ditty. Please don't be one of those people.

Arthur's Theme

Some days it's better to just let the song mock itself. This is one of those days.

Shooting For The Moon

Oh, I get it. The moon turns him into a werewolf and he plays basketball. **sigh**

Happy Birthday

I figured this was fitting. There was a time when Disney really phoned it in and I'm not talking about the last decade or two of tent pole films.

Shiny Happy People

Stupid, crappy song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s&ob=av2e

They won't let me embed it. That's probably for the best.

Unskinny Bop

This song is basically the precursor to an STD. Yeah, that rocks. It's a little known fact that Poison bought this song from Aerosmith for $38. It was written on a greasy Carl's Jr. napkin.

Never Ending Story

It's like Limahl stole the lyrics from that weird chick from high school that liked to play D&D with her stuffed dragon.

Love Shack

I'm not even going to start with Fred Schneider. We all know how abrasive he is. I take issue with the two broads flanking him. This song is only slightly less annoying than "The Chicken Dance" and one can only hope the wedding DJ's of the world retire this song.

The Way It Is

I imagine a scenario where Bruce writes this song for an informative real estate video and it ends up at a record label instead where a tasteless executive falls in love with the repetitive melody.

Blossom

This song is almost as unattractive as Mayim Bialik.

(I've Had) The Time Of My Life

Did the Black Eye'd Peas' version suck because they suck or is it because the song sucks? Give it a good listen. I'm going to go with the latter. This song is directly to blame for Green Day's "Time Of Your Life."

She Bangs

I'll bet she does. What a dork.

Surfing With The Alien

This is a tough one to critique because there aren't any corny lyrics to mock. Thankfully Joe Satriani is a dork of the highest caliber. He's good at playing the guitar but he sucks at song writing.

R.O.C.K In The U.S.A.

I'm glad that he can spell but I stand by my claim that almost any song with "In The USA" anywhere in it is a crappy song.

Whoomp, There It Is

This is easily better than "Hip Hop Hooray" but that doesn't mean it's the pinnacle of song writing. I'm certain that "Whoomp, there it is" are the only words that anybody knows. It's probably the most popular song that nobody sings in the shower.

Hip Hop Hooray

This should be a children's song along with any other song with "Hooray" in the title. It's also a singalong or at least it's treated that way. These guys are naughty. Look out. Do you think their grandma came up with their name?

In A Gadda Da Vida

I don't know if it's the lack of lyrics or the hours of solos that annoys me the mots. I'm lying. It's the lack of lyrics.

Cruising Together

I've left voicemail messages with more soul.

Summer Vacation

I think my brain just broke.

Legs

La Grange it is not.

Hold Me

This song is about being possessive. There is nothing more wholesome than a group too young to know what they're singing about. Menudo was the poor version of The New Kids both in image and music. The former worked out for them. The latter not so much.