Sunday, July 31, 2011

All I Have To Give

Nothing resonates with a neglected woman like, "I don't want you to cry no more inside." Whoever wrote this for them was pretty good but didn't hit their stride until they penned Rebecca Black's "Friday."

Saturday, July 30, 2011

If I Said...

Their follow up, "Is Your Dad A Lumberjack Because I've Got Wood In My Pants" wasn't as big a hit.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Hocus Pocus

I know what you're going to say. You're going to say, "What's wrong with you. This rocks." If you say that I know you didn't listen to the whole thing. It's an awesome song... until the yodeling. Then it gets cool again. Then the yodeling. Then it's awesome. Then Popeye shows up followed by Ron Burgundy and his jazz flute. You'd think after that we're good to go but then the accordion comes in...

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Just Got Paid

The crap begins in less than 8 seconds. He manages to screw up each and every "YEAH" and "OW!" If Michael Jackson couldn't sing or dance he'd be Johnny Kemp.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Born This Way

Yeah, she's a great performer. Siegfried and Roy are also great performers but I'm not going to buy their album either. Lady Gaga = music for deaf people.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

You Get What You Give

I'd feel bad for the members of the Radicals that didn't make it to this new iteration if this song didn't suck so much. Nothing ensures longevity like a list of pop culture references.

Monday, July 25, 2011

No Scrubs

They say they "don't want no scrubs" but if Salt 'n' Peppa taught me anything it's that the ladies don't care as long as the man looks good.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

You Gotta Be

You'd think the four of them could come up with verses a little more diverse. There is nothing empowering about this song. The bridge sucks too.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I Can't Drive 55

I can forgive what he did to Van Halen but I can't forgive this. I wonder if his inability to drive 55 still causes him grief.

Friday, July 22, 2011

How Can We Be Lovers

Apparently Michael Bolton has never heard of $!#@ buddies.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


CHILL! Are these guys serious? They dream of juice?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Pretty Fly

I can still remember the first time I heard this song. It was 1994 and it was called, "Come Out And Play."

Monday, July 18, 2011

Spoonful of Sugar

I know it's a metaphor but it's a terrible metaphor. The song is basically about making things enjoyable so they don't suck as much so basically medicine is bullshit and having a sugary sweet outlook makes it a little less crappy in the most delightful way.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Boom Boom Pow

This song is like a paper cut. It sucks immediately and continues to suck every time you notice it. Even after you're done with it you know it will be back and will suck just as much as it always have. You'll never get used to it and you'll always hate it.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Everybody Get On Up

"I'ma dance, I'ma dance 'til I drop." If only...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Dance Commander

I used to think The Electric Six could do no wrong. Now, I'm not so sure.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills...

There's nothing quite as empowering as finding a guy with a bunch of money to pay for your stuff. This song proves, once again, what women really care about.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Electric Blue

I try not to hold a singer's appearance against him but I'm pretty sure I know a lady with the same hair. This is one of those inexplicable hits that the songwriter clearly didn't put a lot of work into. "What rhymes with 'over you?' How about 'electric blue?' THAT'S RADICAL!"

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Things That Make You Go Hmmm....

I can think of something that makes me go "hmmm..." It's like a Fresh Prince song but with less creative lyrics. It's funny how a band known for dance music writes songs that are really hard to dance to.

Monday, July 11, 2011

I'll Tumble 4 Ya

Maybe it's the way they spelled the song title. Maybe it's the song. No, it's the way they spelled the title. Then again, now that I listen to it...

Sunday, July 10, 2011


I know this song is closer to the weird end of the spectrum rather than the crappy end but it still belongs on my list. Thriller, Beat It, Bad, and Billie Jean shouldn't be followed by this.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Stand Back

Goat trifecta complete. This is easily one of the worse songs every written, recorded, and performed. I challenge anybody to find something good about it. Difficulty: you can't use the ending.

Friday, July 8, 2011

It's Not Over

It's baffling how a goat voiced singer can sell albums unless their fan base works on farms. Hmmm... farms... It all makes sense now. Do you think after shotgunning a beer he eats the can?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Heaven Is A Place On Earth

I used to hate Stevie Nicks' goat like voice. Now I hate Belinda Carlisle's voice just as much. If heaven was a place on Earth we'd all live there.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Wild World

Cat Stev... excuse me. Yusuf Islam's song isn't that good to begin with yet Maxi Priest found a way to make it worse.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I can dream about you.

I kind of feel bad for Dan. If he had any self respect he'd get over that broad and go find himself a hood rat.

Monday, July 4, 2011

God Bless The USA

I don't care how patriotic this song is. I have a theory about songs that have "The USA" in the lyrics. The Grucci fireworks display always interrupts Neil Diamond's "America" so we can hear this drivel. Today's crap has corn in it. God bless the USA.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


The whole autotuned as a vocal effect BS started here. Who thought, "Let's combine techno and Cher." and thought it was a good idea?

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Closing Time

What has two and a half verses and is never played when a bar closes? This song.

Friday, July 1, 2011

All Around The World

Is "Been around the world and NYA NYA NYA!" He's gone away because you're annoying the crap out of him with this song. And what's with the spit curls? She's got three of them. Imagine what Superman could have done with three spit curls.