Stupid Hoe

I like that there's a video for this song to ensure deaf people have something to suffer through as well.

Whip My Hair

I don't consider this music but somebody did otherwise nobody would have heard it. It's regarded as being "kid friendly." I don't think kids should be allowed to hear music like this.

Chinese Democracy

Did anybody buy this album? I know Axel's mom did. I asked her what she thought. "Sucked."

Bawitdaba

I used to feel embarrassed for anybody voluntarily listening to this but these days I just feel embarrassed for Kid Rock. Now get in the pit and try to love someone... like your cousin.

Lovergirl

A little birdie told me this song was crappy crappy.

My Way

Of all the things he's going to do this time, writing a good song isn't one of them.

Nite And Day

Al B. Sure! was Justin Bieber before Justin Bieber.

Batdance

There is an explanation for this song. Prince wrote a bunch of songs for Tim Burton's Batman and they were all pretty good. Then somebody said, "Thanks Prince. Can you do one more song but make it Batman themed?" This request clearly pissed him off so he wrote Batdance.

Brass Monkey

Before you get all butthurt about me trashing a Beastie Boys classic let me reiterate that love the Beastie Boys. If you scraped the bottom the Boys' barrel you'd probably find Brass Monkey residue.

It's Raining Men

I don't get this song. I mean I get it but I don't get it.

Welcome To The Boomtown

These guys are professional musicians or at least they were. Enjoy.

Hold On To The Nights

It's too hard to verbally express how I feel about this song and I don't know how to convey vomiting using our alphabet.

Girl You Know It's True

If you're going to lip-sync at least pic a good song. If this song were released today it would be titled, "Girl U Know It's True." That's right, still no comma.

She's A Beauty

I don't know why I have a problem with rock bands performing songs for a chick. Maybe it's because it seems to me like the entire band is banging her.

Baby

This is the musical equivalent of cancer.

Valentine Girl

I'm almost positive there were versions of this song for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and probably Hanukkah. Was Donny Jewish?

Catch Me

Poison, yes. Pretty, not so much.

This Could Be The Night

This COULD be the night but it's not. Loverboy ruined it.

Buffalo Stance

What is a "buffalo stance?"

Mercedes Boy

It should be titled "Mercedes, boy." There are plenty of other problems but that one annoys me the most. If the song was about some "Mercedes Boy" that drove one or turned into one when the moon was full it would be okay but it's not.

That's How I Beat Shaq

Is this a Sears commercial?

Home Sweet Home

We love rock ballads because they suck. No matter how much my personal tastes want me to hate this song I can't help but love it.

Hakuna Matata

It also means ignoring your obligations and sponging. It's like the pot head's anthem.

Chim Chim Cher-ee

Mary Poppins: good.
Dick Van Dyke: bad.

You'll Be In My Heart

It's a funny thing about collaborations. They're rarely good. Tarzan and Disney was a bad combo to begin with. Adding Phil Collins to the mix just made it worse. I guess Lionel Richie had another obligation.

A Whole New World

Coincidentally, this is what most losers say to get into bed with hot chicks.

Mine, Mine, Mine

It's not a bad Disney song per se but about halfway through Mel Gibson gets his solo.

Zero To Hero

Did anybody see this? I know you did Stacey. I mean everybody else.

Bella Notte

They call it beautiful night.

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss

Spandau Ballet? Really?

Tonight Tonight

This is what the kids are listening to. Everything bad that happens is their fault.

The Secret Of My Success

I'm going to venture a guess that this song is not part of that secret.

Sadness

Crappiness... dit moi... dit moi...

Pony

This isn't a song. It's a ring tone. No wait. That's an insult to people that make ring tones.

Gettin' Jiggy Wit It

There are plenty of reasons to like this song. Those are the exact same reasons to hate it.

What Is Love?

Nobody hears this song and thinks, "Haddaway is amazing." They think of Chris Kattan and Will Farrell. Ponder that for a moment.

Mambo Number 5

This is a great song...
...if you're five years old.

I Want To Be Your Man

I want to like this song but good taste just won't let me. DAMN YOU ROGER!!!

Mickey

This song was old the day it was recorded.

Gold Fever

Um... yeah.

Cream

Look up in the air. It's a crappy song.

Blow Up

This makes me want to punch myself in the face.

Who Are You?

The kids are all right. This song is not.

The Night Chicago Died

Brother, what a load of crap it is.

Come And Get Your Love

...come and get your love, NYAOOOOOOOOOW!

Blinded By The Light

Wrapped up like a douche.

Close To You

I was about to say something clever but I fell asleep.

Genie In A Bottle

Is she a genie or is she a bottle? Last I checked you rubbed the bottle not the genie. Idiot.

Duke of Earl

Crap, crap, crap, crappy song, song, song, crappy song...

Thong Song

I wonder if this song was as hard to record as it is to listen to it. Probably not.

Mony Mony

I still have difficulty believing the guy who wrote "White Wedding" is responsible for this.

Sweet Dreams

As much as it pains me to say it, this is a case of all sizzle and no steak.

Black or White

On this day in 1992 a lot of people paid enough money to make this song number 1 on the charts. I hate all of those people.

It Wasn't Me

I have a soft spot for all of those d-bag anthems. Is it because it's bad-ass to deny something? In what world does saying, "It wasn't me." get you off the hook when you're caught doing something you shouldn't be doing? Does anybody fall for this?

Bait A Hook

He can't bait a hook but I'll bet he has a steady job and has never made eyes at his sister.

When I Hear Music

When I hear Debbie Deb I don't hear music.

I Get Around

I don't think they know what "get around" means. Or maybe they do! I know Mike Love gets around. That's not even his real name. It's actually Mark Schmidt.

(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight

If this song is about what I think it's about I'm surprised that he's singing about it. It's not as obvious as that Lonely Island song but it might as well be.

Naughty Girls

What does she mean by naughty? Is she suggesting that occasionally sluts want flowers?

Get Busy

"Hi! My name is Sean Paul and I'm talentless."